Wednesday, December 26, 2012

A Thankful Heart....

I have felt strongly that at this time I need to share my thoughts and feeling with those of you who are closest to me and who love me for me.

This time of year is a hard & overwhelming with the darkness that seems to cloud my mind from past mistakes I had made during this season.  

This year, as these negative thoughts and influences started to enter, I prayed for help and have felt mercy from the Lord fill my heart with the wonderful things I have in my life, and the good I have done and do. Reminding me of the people who matter and who love me in spite of my mistakes. He has shown me great kindness and love.

As I have been reading and preparing for the New Curriculum in Young Womens, and reading about each member of the Godhead I have felt their individual roles in my life. And the testimony I have for each.
 As I think of the Holy Ghost I know he fills us....fingertip to foot. Because of the choices I made I lost my membership in the church, for a time. Before that time I always thought of the Holy Ghost as just a feeling in my heart, but since that time I KNOW He is a Spirit that FILLS each of us who is worthy. As my Bishop told me I was no longer able to have the Holy Ghost as my constant companion I literally felt someone step out of my body. As I stood there empty, hollow...I did not know how I was ever going to get back...I was instantly filled with despair. Luckily, I had many people who loved me, prayed for me...counsel me and I did have a testimony....many times in my life I had had seeds of faith planted and I eventually was able to be re baptized. Of course I still have consequences I live with, and I am sure some of those consequences have yet to come. But now that I have the Holy Ghost I know he can lead me to what I need to do in those times, if I am worthy of His influence.
  (When I took this picture I was filled with the Spirit. I am SO thankful for my Father teaching me to appreciation nature and the beauty of this earth. {Scare Canyon, up at Brians dads land})

As I think of my Father in Heaven I am in awe and wonder at his love. I get overwhelmed just thinking of the love He possesses, and the man He is.
When I think of Him I think of the song "I am a child of God"
I am a child of God,
And he has sent me here,
Has given me an earthly home
With parents kind and dear.

 I am a child of God,
And so my needs are great;
Help me to understand his words
Before it grows to late.

 I am a child of God.
Rich blessings are in store;
If I but learn to do his will
I'll live with him once more.

 I am a child of God.
His promises are sure;
Celestial glory shall be mine
If I can but endure.
Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with him someday.

As I think of how disappointed my own father was in me as I confessed my failing, I could not imagine the pain I had caused my Father in Heaven. But even in the darkest of nights when I felt lost I got on my knees I felt His love fill me and testify that I am one of His daughters and He forgave me and wanted me to come back. I am grateful to know that He loves me, regardless, and wants me to always come to Him and He can make me whole through His Sons sacrifice.
{"the heavens are open...God hears and answers the prayers of His children." Elder Utchdorf}
(Idaho Falls, my dads land...sunrise)

And as I think of our Savior, Jesus Christ, my heart is full. I think of His life and all He did, all He gave. Who He is and how I have the opportunity to continually repent and become whole through His blood, and sacrifice. How amazing, how beautiful...that this Man chose to come to this earth...endure the trials of this world and overcome the natural man and then sacrifice Himself for each of us to become whole through repentance!  I am so grateful for this knowledge and the chance I have had to use the Atonement so fully in my life. The day I reentered the waters of Baptism was so powerful. The love and mercy I felt from the Lord was all encompassing. As worthy priesthood holders encircled me, my testimony of the REAL "Power in the Priesthood" came to light and I will never be the same. I felt as if I could reach out and hold the feeling that that surrounded. Knowing that I was forgiven of my Father in Heaven, through His Son, and able to have the Holy Ghost in my life again forever changed me.  Of course I still fall short, I still give in to my natural man and have days and weeks sometimes of giving into Satan. But as I realized the path I'm on and ask for forgiveness and strength to be more and to do better I again feel the Lords love and assurance that I can do it...WITH HIM! :O) I have a testimony of the 3. I know they are separate and each have a role in our lives. I am thankful for each of their influences in my life and for the opportunity I have to learn more about each.
 I love He lives...and I am Thankful for that knowlegde!

I am so Thankful to me a Mother. To have these 6 kids in my life. I feel blessed to have such a full crazy home.  To continue to learn and grow from each child and their needs.

I am SO blessed!!!!


  1. Ali, this is very touching.

    Thank you so much for sharing your testimony of the Godhead and of the Atonement. I know it's real, too--so I know that you are loved and forgiven and a very cherished daughter.

    I love you, my sweet sister!

  2. Love that your children will be able to have your testimony forever. Despite your shortcomings you are setting an amazing example for them. Maybe even a better one than if you lived your life perfectly. You had to work hard to regain membership in a church you knew was true with Satan discouraging you at every turn. It wasn't something that came easy and I'm truly glad you knew it would be worth the effort, frustration and tears. Your kids are all lucky to have a mom like you who has an understanding of repentance, compassion on those who have sinned and a love of the gospel. Love ya!

  3. I LOVE YOU! You are one of my favorite people in the whole world! Thanks for sharing your sweet testimony and experiences with us! I'm so glad I went to get a pregnancy massage and was able to get reconnected with you after all these years. You are truly a dear friend of mine. I love your spunky-ness for life and your kind soul. I remember talking to you at the massage place about you working towards your membership and the temple and I never had any doubt in my mind that you wouldn't get there because I know how strong your testimony is and how important the gospel is to you. I admire you for your strength in overcoming these trials and coming out ON TOP! I know so many people who let trials in their life destroy them and turn away from God instead of turning towards him. (Just read a conference talk from the last session on this-LOVE IT!). Your family is adorable and you are one super duper mommmy! Love you Ali!